CEO Whittington to Present at HIMSS HIT X.0 Conference
Expensive, exasperating and exhausting EHR vendor Extormity today announced its CEO Brantley Whittington has been invited to speak at the final session of the HIT X.0 conference at HIMSS11 in Orlando.
“We are pleased and excited by this opportunity,” said an obviously surprised Whittington at a hastily arranged press conference at Extormity headquarters in Aspen. “As Extormity was created as a parody of lumbering and overpriced EHR solutions, we were shocked that a highly credible organization like HIMSS would give us podium time.”
“Upon reflection, it makes perfect sense,” added Whittington. “HIMSS leadership felt that having a fictional EHR vendor add to the fanciful claims flying around the healthcare IT industry would be a fitting end to HIT X.0. I intend to take full advantage of this opportunity, and fully expect to convince several attendees to execute contracts following my presentation.”
Whittington will speak at session 227 on Thursday, February 24 from 11:15 to 12:15, just prior to the closing keynote address. More information is available at http://www.himssconference.org/x0/
On a related note, Extormity is still seeking “EHR Horror Story” submissions prior to HIMSS. The winner (actually a loser) will receive an iPad, the go-to giveaway item for anyone serious about healthcare IT. Complete the online submission form above.
Extormity Exposed at HIMSS '11
HIMSS '11 is fast approaching, and we can think of no better venue to reveal the folks behind this not too far from factual but still fictional EHR company.
The true geniuses (some would call us culprits) behind Extormity would like to invite you to drop by our actual exhibit, share your favorite EHR story and snag some Extormity swag (including the highly coveted Extormity stimulus incentive check endorsement pen).
Since our actual company advocates a Minimally Invasive™ and cost-effective approach to healthcare IT, we thought the best way to meet you would be at HIMSS '11 in Orlando. If you cannot attend HIMSS, but want to learn more and get a second-rate Extormity item (tie tack or pocket protector), we want to hear from you as well. Simply click on the appropriate link below.
Extormity senior executive Frederick "the colonel" Youngblood recently testified in front of a panel investigating the software implementation practices of electronic health record vendors. Jackson's comments were televised via webcast, and his forceful approach underscores Extormity's "initimidate, bully and bill" approach to managing client relationships. You can view an excerpt of the proceedings below.
North Pole Implements Extormity EHR
Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced that its EHR solution has been implemented at the on-site employee health center housed within Santa’s workshop.
“Healthcare delivery at the North Pole is challenging and expensive, given elfin genetic dispositions toward diabetes and Santa’s smoking history,” stated Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. “Implementing the Extormity solution shows that Claus, Incorporated is interested in a token gesture designed to give its workforce the impression it cares.”
The Extormity solution went live on November 1. “In retrospect, we should have implemented right after the holidays,” said Claus director of health promotion Hermie Jingleheimerschmitt. “Given the expense of the Extormity EHR and the fact that we can now only see two pint-sized patients per day with this cumbersome solution, we won’t be able to deliver toys to children in South Dakota, Manitoba, and most of South America this year. “
Extormity Introduces Death Panel Module
Gargantuan electronic health record vendor Extormity has announced the availability of a new module focused on helping patients select an end-of-life care protocol.
"While the talk about death panels was revealed to be alarmist rhetoric, the overwhelming response indicated an opportunity for Extormity to profit from the anguish surrounding this topic," said Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "We talked to physicians who complained that absent meaningful reimbursement for end-of-life counseling, taking the time to guide patients through this difficult decision making process makes little economic sense."
The new Extormity module serves as a virtual death panel modeled after an online slot machine. During an encounter, patients are able to click on a "Play" button in the EHR that will randomly select an end-of-life plan and generate applicable documentation — saving the physician valuable time and shifting responsibility to patients.
For example, one of the plans launches a Simon Cowell avatar who announces (in a British accent) "I hope you go somewhere nice in the afterlife, because you are definitely not going to Hollywood." The Extormity EHR then prints out a Do Not Resuscitate order.
"Extormity has taken electronic patient engagement to the next level, capitalizing on the popularity of online and electronic gaming applications," added Whittington. "And for those patients who are intimidated by technology, we are also offering end-of-life scratch-off cards."
Electronic health record vendor Extormity announced the launch of its new Extormicare® Medicare Fraud Module at a press conference in Washington, D.C. today.
"As recent investigative reports have made clear, Medicare fraud and abuse is costing taxpayers billions of dollars annually," said CEO Brantley Whittington. "We simply want our generous slice of this very tasty and expensive pie."
"We conducted market research which reveals that most of the fictional care reported to Medicare for reimbursement was not documented in an EHR — making those perpetrating the fraud far less efficient than they could be," added Whittington. "Armed with this insight, we developed an EHR module that automatically documents falsified encounters and generates the highest possible level of E&M coding. These codes give the impression of meeting medical necessity criteria, while helping Extormity achieve profit targets."
"A review of court documents also indicated that most of those who are apprehended were flagged based on the repetitive nature of their claims submissions," according to Extormity CIO Oliver Brindle. "We found an algorithm savant in Croatia who wrote some code that optimizes these fake encounters — moving deftly from a garden variety UTI to pancreatitis. We paid him in goat skins and brandy and expect to profit handsomely on our meager investment."
Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced an initiative designed to encourage physicians to sign an ironclad EHR contract which includes a commitment to wait for 9-12 months until the company can hire and train implementation resources to bring practices online.
"The Extormity Abstinence program promotes our EHR as one worth waiting for," said Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "We are educating physicians on the dangers of fooling around with EHR vendors flaunting their affordable, web-based and easy to implement solutions. While tempting, these low-cost and try-it-before-you-buy-it EHRs remind me of the old adage 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.'"
"Like our other big-name competitors, our complex client-server solution requires a team of implementation consultants who will spend weeks on-site, re-configuring practice workflow, training practice personnel and disrupting patient revenues," added Whittington. "All of us are creating waitlist programs as we scramble to find employees. We have already extended offers to four of the recently extracted Chilean miners, and we are expecting a dozen new recruits to be released from a halfway house next week."
The Extormity Abstinence program requires a $50,000 per physician down payment and includes a laminated pocket pledge card, an "Extormity – I'm Worth It" wristband, and access to a virtual waiting room modeled after a customer lounge adjacent to the service operation at an auto dealership.
"While I was enticed by some of the cloud-based EHRs out there, I have resisted the allure of an affordable and practical solution that can help me qualify for stimulus funds right away," explained Dr. Lewis McFaddenson. "I have been spending quite a bit of time in the Extormity virtual waiting room, which is stocked with back-issues of Popular Mechanics that date to the mid-70's."
Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced a data breach that compromised the demographic and health information of more than 80 thousand patients.
"In the past, we would have covered up these kinds of mistakes," explained Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "However, these breaches are getting widespread media coverage. As they say, there is no such thing as bad PR, so we are making breach notification a cornerstone of our marketing strategy."
"While we used to make a half-hearted attempt at security and privacy protection, we are now encouraging our employees to make unencrypted copies of the protected health information we have on our servers and place the data in a public place like a train or a coffee shop or a tea party rally," explained Whittington. "When an employee is due for a new laptop, we load up their old computer with sensitive patient data including the health records of former child actors and washed-up reality TV stars and leave it in the lobby of a tabloid newspaper or celebrity gossip magazine – significantly increasing the odds of securing editorial attention."
Extormity Partners with Tobacco Industry To Help Physicians Achieve Meaningful Use
Recognizing an opportunity to turn a meaningful use requirement into a revenue stream, electronic health record vendor Extormity has forged a strategic collaboration with the tobacco industry.
"One of the core set objectives is to record the smoking status of more than 50 percent of patients 13 years of age or older, which is frankly an administrative burden," said Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "We thought outside the box, and decided on a default setting which affirms that each patient is indeed a smoker."
Practices with an Extormity EHR will be provided with cigarette sample packs which can be distributed to all patients over the age of 13. "The tobacco industry is looking for innovative ways to attract teenage smokers, and the big pharma model of providing samples is a proven way to build share," added Whittington. "The practice benefits as there is no need to click on an added box indicating smoking status – the answer is always yes, and the patient walks out with a filtered menthol reminder of their visit."
Tobacco lobbyist Eddie Basler Junior applauds the move. "Since we had to walk away from sponsoring stock cars, we have been hunting for a way to convey the benefits of nicotine addiction," said Basler. "We are going to pay Extormity a nickel for every cigarette sample pack that gets distributed, and we get the implied endorsement of the medical establishment."
While reaction in the physician community is mixed, some sense an opportunity. Behavioral expert Thomas Bixler, M.D. conducts smoking cessation clinics in Vermont. "Frankly, clinic attendance is declining as tobacco use has been demonized in the media and fewer young people are smoking and chewing," lamented Bixler. "For my business model to survive, we need to create more tobacco users who can then pay me to help them quit. I am a huge advocate for Extormity, and strongly suggest that my colleagues select their EHR to achieve meaningful use."
Electronic health record vendor Extormity launched a new EHR solution described by CEO Brantley Whittington as "astronomically priced" at an investor conference in New York hosted by its lead investment banking firm today.
"Healthcare IT influencers, columnists and bloggers have been asking 'is $44,000 enough?' to, which we say absolutely not!" exclaimed Whittington. "While many physicians have complained that electronic health records are too expensive, we believe most providers simply lack a proper frame of reference for the investment. For that reason, our new EHR solution is priced to match the average settlement for a physician who divorces his or her first spouse to marry a nurse, budding supermodel or landscaping professional. Physicians who opt for our SaaS model EHR can pay a monthly fee that equates to a typical alimony payment."
Noted Seattle cardiologist and Extormity advisory board member Dr. Albert Tuttlemeyer is an enthusiastic supporter of the new pricing scheme. "Just as I saw value in my first wife working two jobs to put me through medical school and thought it only fair she should take me for everything, I believe the new Extormity release will contribute to my practice and force me to work that much harder," stated Santorum.
For practices in high-paying specialties, Extormity is also offering a selection of upgrades that add to the expense of the solution. These Extormity TrophyTM modules are lavishly priced, with each one carrying a price tag that is the general equivalent of an expensive gift a physician would purchase for a second wife or husband. "Rather than wasting money on a new Range Rover, a bauble from Tiffany or a luxurious vacation in Tuscany, providers can add a DICOM viewer, a patient portal solution, or a registry reporting module," added Whittington.