Bloated electronic health record vendor Extormity, posing as the U.S. territory of Guam, announced the award of $1.6 million in state HIE grant funding from HHS.

"Until meaningful use guidelines are finalized, our EHR revenues from physician practices and hospital systems are well below shareholder expectations," explained Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "Rather than cancel Extormapalooza, our annual user advisory conference in Davos, we went looking for outside the box ways to inflate our top-line."

Extormity EVP of sales Tommy Spencer learned that ARRA HIE funding was available not only to states, but to U.S. territories and protectorates. "We doubted Guam was even aware of these grants, so we decided to apply on their behalf and without their knowledge," said Spencer. "It was a challenge to find someone who speaks Guamian or Guamese or whatever their language is, but we located a doctoral student who was able to help us do some translation and toss in a few local pearls of wisdom to give our grant application the ring of authenticity."

When pressed about how this will benefit Guam, Whittington compared this project to Alaska's infamous Bridge to Nowhere project. "We plan to drop ship a few edge servers, include a master patient index and maybe toss in a module for nomenclature normalization. This will put Guam ahead of most of the states on the mainland, and will enable us to put a little over a million dollars to the Extormity bottom line."

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