Expensive, exasperating and exhausting EHR vendor Extormity today released video footage of CEO Brantley Whittington speaking at HIMSS11.

Whittington, a fictional leader created as a parody of unsavory healthcare IT executives, was both gratified and mystified by the HIMSS invitation. "Given that I exist only to skewer the questionable practices of many in the vendor EHR vendor community, imagine my surprise when a credible organization asked me to deliver a closing address."

More surprised were conference attendees expecting to sleep through a dull academic session in order to earn continuing education credits. "I was able to convince several unwitting and somewhat narcoleptic CMIOs to sign long-term contracts for the Extormity EHR system," added Whittington. "As is our practice, these agreements include significant up-front fees, vague and misleading statements of work, and no means of termination."

Click here to watch Brantley Whittington in action at HIMSS11.

Surrendering to the inevitability of standards-based data exchange, EHR vendor Extormity today announced the introduction of a new CCR/CCD information sharing module.

"We recognize that the healthcare community in general and patients in particular are interested in simplifying the movement of information, and that CCD, CCR and other acronyms beginning with CC are emerging as the defacto standards for achieving this," stated Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington from his fall retreat in Belize.

"Now, if a patient requests information from an Extormity provider, they will be given the option of CCR or CCD," added Whittington. "Our research indicates that patients who came of age in the 60's and 70's prefer CCR, and we provide them with a CD containing their greatest hits - including Bad Moon Rising, Who'll Stop the Rain, Born on the Bayou, Proud Mary and Green River. Our EHR downloads these popular tracks from the internet and burns them on a CCD while the patient waits."

"Those opting for the CCD format tend to be Catholic parents of children who attend public schools," according to Whittington. "As these kids do not get religious instruction as part of their school day, our CCD module generates a catechism document which can be printed or placed on portable electronic media, satisfying meaningful use patient education and church doctrinal teaching requirements."

Extormity clients will automatically receive the CCR/CCD module as part of their next scheduled upgrade and monthly fee increase.

Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced the launch of an embedded social history adjustment algorithm in its EHR. "Every provider knows patients are less than forthright about their social history, often misrepresenting alcohol and tobacco consumption, exercise frequency and intensity or recreational drug use," said Extormity CMO Dr. Sonny Bartram.

"This new module automatically adjusts patient-reported values, tripling alcohol intake, doubling the number of cigarettes smoked, and reducing exercise duration by two-thirds," added Bartram. "The system also adjusts for regional and patient-specific factors. For example, a rural patient wearing a baseball cap emblazoned with the numbers 24 or 3 will automatically be flagged as a user of chewing tobacco."

Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington hailed the new algorithm as an example of cutting-edge innovation. "This is the newest version of our Cookbook™ Clinical Decision Support engine, designed to save time, eliminate guesswork and turn physicians into modern-day keypunch operators."

Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced the launch of FIDO, which Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington described as an invisible fence for medical data. "We've worked hard to perfect the art of tethering health information, but our customers have been grumbling that they want a bit more freedom - with FIDO, we give physicians and patients a fleeting sense of data sovereignty."

FIDO, which stands for Fettered Information/Deliberate Obfuscation, tips its hat at a jaunty angle to federal initiatives like the Direct Project and the Blue Button initiative. "We are actually working on our own blue button like module, but ours is going to be a Taupe Toggle," explained Whittington. "When patients flip the Taupe Toggle in Manacle, our shackled patient portal, they can download all of their data – albeit in an unintelligible format that cannot be viewed, stored, printed, parsed or shared."

"FIDO is all about creating, and then enforcing, boundaries," added Extormity CTO Oliver Brindle. "We now allow clients to move data between our servers, their PCs and even iPads. But if they attempt to share data with an HIE or another vendor, an error message is generated and a mild electric shock is administered. After two or three jolts, our clients are not only reluctant to exchange a CCD, they are quite docile at contract renewal time."

"We remain committed to giving the impression that we are complying with the spirit of emerging data sharing requirements," said Whittington. "When pressed to demonstrate this capability, we use the words provenance, breach and PHI in a single sentence, which never fails to spark a diversionary policy discussion."

Electronic health record vendor Extormity today announced the launch of "Maximally Invasive", an electronic health record system supported by personal ads. "Max represents a significant departure from our traditional client-server EHR designed to siphon practice revenues directly from customers," stated Extormity CEO Brantley Whittington. "Since we have driven so many cash-strapped physicians into the arms of acquisition-hungry hospitals, we decided to launch an EHR that taps a new revenue stream."

Dr. Alan Kincaid, a family physician in Omaha, is an early adopter and fan of Max. "While ordering a CBC and a lipid panel, I simultaneously found a SWF AL SD who is into FTA - I'm not sure what that means but we are meeting for coffee next week," says Kincaid. "In just 8 hours, I used my new Extormity EHR to chart three physicals and a case of strep throat, and I used the ad module to find a handyman who does drywall repair, locate a remanufactured carburetor for a Porsche I'm restoring and purchase a first pressing of The Beatles Revolver album."

Maximally Invasive also enables clinicians to see context specific ads that benefit patients as encounters are documented. "I was able set up a date for one of our patients at-risk for diabetes with a fitness instructor who described himself as hot, healthy and into grueling workouts," added Kincaid. "According to my Extormity sales rep, this qualifies my practice as a medical home. The only real problem I have noticed is that the e-prescribing module defaults to a scrip for medical marijuana from a distributor in San Francisco."

Extormity CEO Whittington vigorously defended Maximally Invasive when asked if the presence of advertising in the EHR might be distracting to clinicians. "Our labor intensive EHR turns cognitive thinkers into clerical functionaries. As ads pop up frequently, it gives physicians something interesting to read while typing instead of listening to boring patients incessantly drone on about health problems." When also asked if Maximally Invasive will be ONC-ATCB and CCHIT certified, he expressed surprise, saying, "This is about our earnings and ad revenues, not the alphabet."

In this Extormity Alert, CEO Brantley Whittington shares his observations from the recent HIMSS11 conference.

While actually attending HIMSS and walking the show floor this year dramatically reduced my time on the tee box, it was instructive to rub elbows with the HIT hoi polloi and reinforce my disdain for fraternizing with the little people. After a recuperative week in Monaco, I would like to dispense a few pearls of Whittington wisdom.

Speaking of small fry, we did identify several attractive acquisition targets — upstart innovators that can be purchased for a song and stripped of their assets. We will then claim that their incompatible legacy systems are seamlessly integrated on a solitary platform — one that has more tentacles than an irradiated monster squid in a Japanese B-Movie. We are going to call this portfolio the Extormity Singularity, which refers to billing for each of these disparate solutions on a single invoice.

While Extormity did not exhibit at HIMSS, we had a lavish invitation-only suite at a nearby luxury hotel where I met one-on-one, Corleone-style, with Extormity clients and prospects. Several of them mentioned MIE and NoMoreClipboard, two up and coming SaaS companies who have the unmitigated gall to bill their solutions as affordable, interoperable and even flexible. Needless to say, we will embark on a hostile takeover of these EHR and PHR pests.

Recognizing my radiant permanence in the HCIT universe, HIMSS invited me to speak at the new HIT X.0 “conference within a conference.” Given the exclusive nature of this opportunity, I took to the stage where I announced the launch of Manacle™, a shackled patient portal. While many of our competitors offer tethered portals, we were concerned that the tether label connotes some degree of leeway. With Manacle, the restrictions are clear — patients are only able to view a highly redacted version of their health information. We protect patients from knowing too much about their maladies, as we don’t want to burden them with disturbing knowledge. Extormity is a patient-centric organization, which means the patient is a prominent stock photo in our corporate brochure. If you like being tethered, you’ll love being shackled.

I also visited the Interoperability Showcase, a fantasy land very appropriate for the conference’s Orlando location. In this fairy tale theme park, data flows magically from vendor to vendor in a standards-based fashion, penetrating the proprietary fortresses erected by Extormity and its like-minded brethren. Idealistic vendors who embrace interoperability are able to imagine, at least for a few days, that we will actually duplicate the free flow of data on behalf of patients out in the marketplace. I bought a T-shirt and had a pint of butter beer.

Will I attend HIMSS next year? Given the Vegas location for 2012, I will no doubt secure a villa and gamble a slice of our 2011 profits at the baccarat tables in the high roller room at the Wynn. See you there.

Expensive, exasperating and exhausting EHR vendor Extormity today announced its CEO Brantley Whittington has been invited to speak at the final session of the HIT X.0 conference at HIMSS11 in Orlando.

“We are pleased and excited by this opportunity,” said an obviously surprised Whittington at a hastily arranged press conference at Extormity headquarters in Aspen. “As Extormity was created as a parody of lumbering and overpriced EHR solutions, we were shocked that a highly credible organization like HIMSS would give us podium time.”

“Upon reflection, it makes perfect sense,” added Whittington. “HIMSS leadership felt that having a fictional EHR vendor add to the fanciful claims flying around the healthcare IT industry would be a fitting end to HIT X.0. I intend to take full advantage of this opportunity, and fully expect to convince several attendees to execute contracts following my presentation.”

Whittington will speak at session 227 on Thursday, February 24 from 11:15 to 12:15, just prior to the closing keynote address. More information is available at http://www.himssconference.org/x0/

On a related note, Extormity is still seeking “EHR Horror Story” submissions prior to HIMSS. The winner (actually a loser) will receive an iPad, the go-to giveaway item for anyone serious about healthcare IT. Complete the online submission form above.

HIMSS '11 is fast approaching, and we can think of no better venue to reveal the folks behind this not too far from factual but still fictional EHR company.

The true geniuses (some would call us culprits) behind Extormity would like to invite you to drop by our actual exhibit, share your favorite EHR story and snag some Extormity swag (including the highly coveted Extormity stimulus incentive check endorsement pen).

Since our actual company advocates a Minimally Invasive™ and cost-effective approach to healthcare IT, we thought the best way to meet you would be at HIMSS '11 in Orlando. If you cannot attend HIMSS, but want to learn more and get a second-rate Extormity item (tie tack or pocket protector), we want to hear from you as well. Simply click on the appropriate link below.

Yes - I will be at HIMSS '11 and I want to reserve my rare, limited edition Extormity pen!

No - I will not be at HIMSS '11, but I still want free Extormity loot! (shipping and handling extra and exorbitant)

Extormity senior executive Frederick "the colonel" Youngblood recently testified in front of a panel investigating the software implementation practices of electronic health record vendors. Jackson's comments were televised via webcast, and his forceful approach underscores Extormity's "initimidate, bully and bill" approach to managing client relationships. You can view an excerpt of the proceedings below.